


Hard to Give You the Cold Shoulder

by MagpieWords



Series: AUgust 2020 - Magpiewords [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Banter, Comedy, Enemies to Lovers, Flirting, M/M, eventually, like cliche angel and demon on your shoulder, lup and barry mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieWords/pseuds/MagpieWords
Summary: They're neither angels, nor demons, but they are sitting on a man's shoulder trying to convince him to do something.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: AUgust 2020 - Magpiewords [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860265
Kudos: 15
Collections: AUgust 2020





	Hard to Give You the Cold Shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> midway through writing this, i realized this post is my visual inspiration:  
> https://japhers.tumblr.com/post/173974448574/mom-conversations-momversations
> 
> anyway, enjoy a fun and fluffy AU.

“Unacceptable!” Taako stormed into the temporal palace and Istus, as always, was not surprised. “My goddess, I’m sorry but there is no way I’m going on this assignment.”

She hummed, considering that statement as she looked at her knitting. “I think I’ll have to disagree with you about that, my child.”

Taako groaned dramatically, collapsing onto the plush pile of scarf at his goddess’s feet. “The last assignment wasn’t my fault, you know that.”

“I do. I’m not sure why you see this next assignment as a punishment.”

The clack of needles and the delicate shifting of fabric underneath him was soothing. On the whole, Taako loved being an emissary of fate. Of all the deities, his was the best; and that wasn’t bias, that was fact. Other deities had strict order to be upheld and _dress codes_ , ew, but Istus was cooler than all of them. Fate was whatever it would be, she said, though it sounded better when she said it. No matter what language it was said in, it meant Taako could usually do whatever he wanted. And being made in Istus’s image certainly didn’t hurt either.

“If it’s not a punishment, why doesn’t Lup have to do it?” 

“Good question.” His goddess always appreciated Taako’s questions. He knew other deities weren’t so kind, but fate and knowledge were interlinked. Istus always said the best way to learn was to ask. While the twins had never been children (were summoned into existence by the love of fate and time, made of stardust itself, etc etc, their goddess enjoyed purple prose), the other emissaries referred to them by a colloquialism used by the humans to describe their young ones. The Terrible Two. Always asking why, always demanding more.

Always wanting to sleep longer or eat something or light a fire. Taako and Lup didn’t think that was all too terrible. The nickname was a badge of honor. Besides, they didn’t need other emissaries to like them. They liked each other and that was more than enough.

“Your sister is already on assignment. Dealing with that Bluejeans reaper.”

Taako stood up, swooping his cape behind him in a dramatic whirl. “That is not fair! She’s off on a date and I’m stuck with shoulder duty?”

Istus laughed, finding something funny in her stitch work. Taako pouted, tapping his foot as he waited for a response. When his goddess brought her attention back to the present, she smiled wide. Her freckled face was always haloed with warmth, literally, and she tucked a strand of her long white locks back into their braid before leaning down and doing the same to Taako’s matching hair. “Unfortunately we are agents of fate, not of justice.”

Taako continued to pout, even as he leaned into her warm touch.

“It’s not even a day of being a shoulder angel, my child.” His goddess was massive, her single fingertip larger than Taako’s entire head, but she managed to make her voice a gentle whisper even in the cavernous temporal palace. “I just need you to convince one man to seek knowledge. One assignment. Can you do that for me?”

Taako pretended to hem and haw, pretended to consider before nudging affectionately at the celestial touch that hadn’t stopped stroking his hair. “Yeah okay, Istus, but you owe me one.”

“Of course, darling,” she said in a way Taako knew meant she’d have a new cloak for him when he came back.

Being a shoulder angel was work that The Terrible Two considered beneath them. Most of the other emissaries they met said it was because they cheated at the assignment and that’s why they weren’t assigned to them anymore. The point of it all was that two emissaries, one for each of a human’s shoulders, each bound to a different deity, would help the human decide over a conflict that affected both domains. It was a discussion, the other emissaries would say, not a shouting match.

Taako and Lup thought that if the others wanted to win these discussions, they should have spoken up a little more.

That being said, Lup was always better suited for these assignments than Taako was. She liked the humans, was curious about their lives and their choices in a way that Taako just wasn’t. He’d much rather be tending to the celestial gardens or monitoring the time-space continuum for anomalies. Work he was actually specialized in, not this cliche angel nonsense.

Still, he let the winds of fate carry him through the ether, appearing in a puff of glitter and smoke on a man’s left hand shoulder. “Hey big guy,” Taako lilted, leaning onto the human’s neck. “You and I are going to have a fun day together.”

That’s when Taako realized the man was sobbing. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks, soaking into Taako’s hat. The scene before him was anything but a ‘fun day’. A body lay on a hospital bed, breathing strained through a ventilator. The simple band of gold on both humans’ fingers told Taako everything about the man’s grief.

“Oh shit, that’s your–”

“Losing your partner can be very hard,” a smooth voice interrupted him, coming from the other shoulder. “But you must let her go, Robert. It’s her time. This is the way of the world.”

As the unseen voice droned on, Taako realized where he knew that handsome sound from. “You!” He growled, holding onto the strap of Robert’s shirt to lean around his neck.

Kravitz Queen was not an emissary Taako encountered very often, and that was how both of them preferred it. Dressed in a black suit with pressed lines sharp enough to cut steel, the agent of death was devastatingly handsome. It made arguing with him very difficult. Kravitz seemed to be aware of this fact, which only made his smug handsome face all the more punchable.

“Hello Taako, no twin today?” He didn’t need to lean on the sad human neck to lounge casually; emissaries of the Raven Queen were issued scythes, which Taako thought was incredibly unfair. His needle-point daggers wouldn’t stand a chance against that – not that emissaries were supposed to fight, of course. They were supposed to ‘discuss’.

“Hello Kravitz,” Taako spat back. “No fake accent today?”

That seemed to ruffle his literal feathers, a design feature Taako thought was incredibly tacky in the Death Emissary dress code. If Lup were to point out that after meeting Kravitz, Taako immediately conjured a rainbow feather boa to wear for the week, that was no one’s business but his own.

“I, uh, don’t think our client Robert has much time to appreciate my vocal skills.”

“Vocal skills, huh?” Oh, Taako felt like he was on fire. Finally, Kravitz was the one on the wrong foot, not him. “Is that what the humans are calling it on Grindr now?”

“I–”

“Actually, the devil has a good point, Robbie, you don’t have a lot of time.”

“I don’t,” the human sobbed, holding his partner’s limp hand with both of his own. Taako probably should have been more heartbroken by it, but he was a little busy at the moment.

“And that’s why you need to get to work, Bobby-boy. There’s knowledge out there that can save her.”

“Save her?” He echoed.

“Yeah. You want to give in to death? Or do you want to buy your loved one a little more time?”

“Yeah,” Robert said, “ that sounds good.”

“Uh, excuse me! No it doesn’t!” Kravitz shouted, getting Robert’s attention. “Your partner lived a long and lovely life. And society honors beautiful lives by letting them pass with dignity.”

“Robin, you’re not really going to listen to a demon, are you?” Taako swooshed his cape out, taking a seat on Robert’s shoulder.

“I am not a demon!” Kravitz had stopped leaning on his scythe, standing up straight as he shouted across the distance of their human’s neck.

“Don’t know what to tell ya, Krav. If the shoulder’s right, the devil’s wrong.” Taako shrugged, faux causal as he forced down a grin at the fury crossing the reaper’s expression.

“He’s got a point, demon,” Robert said and Taako was close to cheering. He might actually win this fight. “I mean, you’re wearing all black and he’s got, like, white robes on.”

“It’s a dress,” Taako mentioned, but that was less important than Kravitz protesting, “That is an absolutely baseless stereotype!”

Robert didn’t seem to hear either of them. He titled his head towards Taako. “So where can I find this knowledge.”

Taako wasn’t looking at the human though, he looked directly at Kravitz as he said “Roberto, let me have the pleasure of introducing you to the wonderful world of necromancy.”

It was unfair that rage was still a handsome look on Kravitz. “This is not the last you’ll hear from me, angel.” Kravitz sneered, knowing Taako was anything but that.

“I look forward to it, demon. Show me those ‘vocal skills’, yeah?” Taako winked at him before Kravitz disappeared in a frustrated puff of feathers. Maybe shoulder angel duty wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Robert is not a reference, it was the first name that came to mind that could be made into lots of nicknames, but like, if you want to him to be AU robbie pringles, live your truth, I wont stop you.


End file.
